ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
