if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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