I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
