Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
