twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
