apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
