i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
