areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
