Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
