I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
