i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize