Say something about gay babies.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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