Michael Bay diarrhea
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
