I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
