Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
