Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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