it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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