Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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