I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
