Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
even my farts smell like vagina
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
