Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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