I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
