Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
