awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
