I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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