You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Less talking, more tequila
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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