just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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