i may or may not be watching the land before time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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