i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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