'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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