She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
