I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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