so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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