sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
