I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
