I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize