She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
