grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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