you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
