They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
