Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
