I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
