Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
