i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There r osticjed everywhere
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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