when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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