We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
