the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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