I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
