Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
