Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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