Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
