I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
