I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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