she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
