I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize