I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want to make out with him forever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
