No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
