My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I did not marry a roomba.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
