How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
