You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
