if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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