Texts From Last Night · littlebit11891's Favorites

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littlebit11891's Favorites Texts:

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(713): View more from Texas

Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?

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(530): View more from California

You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.

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(760): View more from California

He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?

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(907): View more from Alaska

Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...

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(716): View more from New York

She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.

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(315): View more from New York

I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

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(620): View more from Kansas

You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

we already have meals planned for the weekend.

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

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(512): View more from Texas

I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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(302): View more from Delaware

It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

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(801): View more from Utah

As long as you're not dating white guys again.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears

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(773): View more from Illinois

I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

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(302): View more from Delaware

I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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(661): View more from California

how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?

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(616): View more from Michigan

She acts like you when your on meds

(510): View more from California

She acts like batman?

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(904): View more from Florida

it glows. i had to have it.

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(925): View more from California

make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.

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(830): View more from Texas

What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

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(269): View more from Michigan

You're my little dorito

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

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(480): View more from Arizona

I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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(510): View more from California

Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...

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(313): View more from Michigan

I wish I could punch you in the face.

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(661): View more from California

this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

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(607): View more from New York

Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?

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(773): View more from Illinois

Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

(415): View more from California

shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

tonight lets celebrate not being married

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(541): View more from Oregon

you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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(850): View more from Florida

We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.

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(561): View more from Florida

No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south

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(919): View more from North Carolina

And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Some one left their pants in the elevator.

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(207): View more from Maine

I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

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(516): View more from New York

i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.

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(719): View more from Colorado

No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

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(347): View more from New York

He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

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(503): View more from Oregon

I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

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(216): View more from Ohio

It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

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(734): View more from Michigan

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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(518): View more from New York

we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

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(330): View more from Ohio

After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.

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(708): View more from Illinois

i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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(847): View more from Illinois

He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night

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(678): View more from Georgia

All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

(404): View more from Georgia

You mean bread?

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(480): View more from Arizona

just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.

(480): View more from Arizona

k i'll be over in 5.

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(602): View more from Arizona

So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.

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(805): View more from California

Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.

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(845): View more from New York

i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

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(518): View more from New York

bad decision saturdays are such a good decision

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(954): View more from Florida

I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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(303): View more from Colorado

My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

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(636): View more from Missouri

It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?

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(989): View more from Michigan

is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?

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(734): View more from Michigan

THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?

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(407): View more from Florida

This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

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(+34): View more from Spain

what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30

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(708): View more from Illinois

Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.

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(909): View more from California

Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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(253): View more from Washington

You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

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(716): View more from New York

You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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(616): View more from Michigan

He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

(1-616): View more from Michigan

Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

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(419): View more from Ohio

then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day

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(214): View more from Texas

we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I wanna bring you to show and tell

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(917): View more from New York City

as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?

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(330): View more from Ohio

Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

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(510): View more from California

according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"

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(408): View more from California

I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.

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(310): View more from California

my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

You could give me a blowjob later? :)

(1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I meant do something romantic..

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Blowjob In the moonlight?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

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(850): View more from Florida

it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

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(316): View more from Kansas

So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses

(1-316): View more from Kansas

That sounds dangerous

(316): View more from Kansas

Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.

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(631): View more from New York

He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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(614): View more from Ohio

every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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(708): View more from Illinois

i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

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(804): View more from Virginia

you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth

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(443): View more from Maryland

they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

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(313): View more from Michigan

He has that thing where they hang SUPER low

(650): View more from California

Ewww!! Elephantitis

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(714): View more from California

We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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(757): View more from Virginia

it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again

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(817): View more from Texas

he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.

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(310): View more from California

my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.

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(847): View more from Illinois

This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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(760): View more from California

double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

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(815): View more from Illinois

It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

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(516): View more from New York

There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed

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(970): View more from Colorado

I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"

(763): View more from Minnesota

Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.

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(214): View more from Texas

Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

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(979): View more from Texas

I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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(805): View more from California

Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.

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(951): View more from California

Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries

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(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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(514): View more from Quebec

just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

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(514): View more from Quebec

It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

(571): View more from Virginia

define virginity.

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(515): View more from Iowa

hes a good boy he deserves a good blow

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday

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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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(773): View more from Illinois

The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

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(209): View more from California

what is college for if not random hookup sex?

(951): View more from California

learning.

(209): View more from California

i would literally fuck learning if i could.

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(631): View more from New York

im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

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(347): View more from New York

You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?

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(509): View more from Washington

I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?

(1-509): View more from Washington

talent.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

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(208): View more from Idaho

Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

(208): View more from Idaho

ha well at least you have goals.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

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(314): View more from Missouri

There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

(818): View more from California

Punch her baby.

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(517): View more from Michigan

he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.

(231): View more from Michigan

better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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(813): View more from Florida

I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

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(757): View more from Virginia

And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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(989): View more from Michigan

I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.

(309): View more from Illinois

"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.

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(937): View more from Ohio

love makes seman taste better

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(706): View more from Georgia

well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.

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(954): View more from Florida

It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school

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(201): View more from New Jersey

zippers are such a cool invention

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"

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(303): View more from Colorado

The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"

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(909): View more from California

College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

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(207): View more from Maine

no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

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(720): View more from Colorado

so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

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(213): View more from California

she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies

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(985): View more from Louisiana

shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

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(914): View more from New York

I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(909): View more from California

I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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