Texts From Last Night · alaskan_blue's Favorites

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alaskan_blue's Favorites Texts:

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(856): View more from New Jersey

nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends

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(613): View more from Ontario

You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

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(319): View more from Iowa

So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

(319): View more from Iowa

Decisions, decisions.

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(512): View more from Texas

He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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(607): View more from New York

Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

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